I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would fuck him just for his dog
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