Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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