god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
