I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
