Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
