Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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