Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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