What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
