you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
