i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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