i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
