My cat gives me a boner
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
