She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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