like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize