those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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