Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
