Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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