I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
