Capitaan dildo arrescate!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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