Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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