My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
soo... how was my night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
