Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
