love makes seman taste better
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
