Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
