Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
