eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
