i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
