I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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