He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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