Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize