it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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