If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
