Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
