Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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