Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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