i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
