Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
