Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
