My hand turned me down
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk is a universal language darling
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
