i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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