My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
