we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
