My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
