My nipple is on Facebook.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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