i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
