Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
