i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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