the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
