Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
