the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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