I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
