You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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