question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
