So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
