I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
