So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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