Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
