When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
