My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A bitchslap is in order.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
