You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize