I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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