actually, I'm a sock model
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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