My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
