i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
