Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
