I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
